In our society today, we have rules. Rules or laws are involved in everything we do. Most people abide by the rules of their society, but no one obeys all the rules. When it comes to rules people make their decision mainly on the basis of two things; what is the penalty, and what is the likelihood of being caught? That is just the particular type of assholes we are as Americans. For the record, I proudly count myself among all of you assholes in this regard.
There are many other things we ask ourselves to decide which rules we follow. Who made the rule? Is that person an asshole? Do I agree with the rule? Is this a stupid rule? Is my way of doing it better? Does this person or these people have a right to tell me to do this or not do this?
I usually tend to obey the laws because I don’t want to get fined, or jailed. I don’t like having a car that is tantamount to a dumpster on wheels. There is shit piled up in my car to the point it is almost level with the seat. I would love to toss this stuff out into the street when I am finished with, it but I don’t. Littering fines are close to $400 dollars and plus I would have to leave the house to pay it or go to court. I don’t care about the environment. I care about my ass and I don’t want it to be inconvenienced so I don’t litter.
I always drive the speed limit. I set the cruise control for whatever number is on the sign and that gives me the right to choose whichever lane I so desire. I drive the speed limit for a few reasons. One is for the safety of myself and the passengers in my car, and another is because it is so annoying to the other drivers, and of course being pulled over for speeding is always at the forefront of my mind.
The two examples above are rules the government implements. Their rules are laws. What about the rules our family members make. These are commonly referred to as house rules. House rules are not given near the respect laws are given and why is that? Because the consequences are nowhere, near as severe. At least in my house this is the case.
One rule we have in my house was made by Yvonne, my wife. Apparently, dirty dishes are to be put in the right sink and never the left sink. This is a stupid rule and it makes no sense. The garbage disposal is on the left side so why jam up the right side and clog the drain. Truthfully, I don’t consciously put my dishes in the right or left because it never occurs to me. She used to yell about it, but I think I have worn her down.
I don’t feel bad about violating the sink rule because Yvonne never abides by any of the house rules I have ever made. I know I am the man and she is the woman and blah blah blah and all that horseshit. I have said that the big giant basket on top of the dryer is for socks only. I even put a sign on it that read “Socks Only Damn You” for everyone to see. Of course I imagine you can guess what is in the basket; all kinds of bullshit.
Then lastly, there are those rules of society that are not defined, but just, understood as the right way to behave. These are common rules. I will site the rule about washing your hands after using the bathroom. This is for the most part, done in public restrooms. Now if I am careless during my bathroom experience I feel it is appropriate for me to wash my hands. However, if I am vigilant and careful during the execution of this procedure, there is really no need for me to bother with it.
The problem with public restrooms is they are public. We feel compelled to wash our hands if we are not alone. We do not wish for anyone to doubt our hygiene so we put on a little show at the sink for their benefit but studies have confirmed less than twenty percent of people wash their hands after they use the bathroom when no one is watching. I sure as hell don’t bother with this when I am at home. No one ever said it better than the great, George Carlin, “Yes I wash my hands, when I shit on them!”
I don’t know how prevalent this is in other countries or in other parts of the United States, but in the south we have people who like to walk around with no shirt on. Just for the record, guys if you ever are out in public and you are not wearing a shirt, then you can rest in the comfort that you are one of the people for which the word asshole was invented. You are redneck, and a scourge on our society and the fact that you would enter a public place with no shirt means you are an uncivilized son of a bitch and the world will be a better place when you are absent from it, and trust me I can’t wait until this happens. If you are at a water park or a public pool you get a pass.
In closing, one very awesome thing is when you make a decision to break a rule. I mean any rule, or any law you never would consider breaking normally. Impulse is a beautiful catalyst.
Years ago, I was in a particularly good mood one late Sunday night and I was visiting my parents in Atlanta. I was actually looking forward to the two-hour drive home. I left and five minutes into the trip, just before I hit the interstate, I had an impulse. I was on the on ramp at exit 120 off I-85North. I decided to strip down completely naked for my drive home. I pulled over on the shoulder, took all of my clothes off, tossed them into the back seat, and put my 1977 Chrysler Newport into the wind with all of the windows rolled down. I must tell you it was exhilarating. I experienced a freedom that I cannot find the words to describe. It was more than just the wind in my hair; it was the knowing of the risk and the danger of being pulled over and asked, “Why are you naked Mr. Nardone?”
I would challenge all of you to question rules perhaps you are doing things because it has just become a silly norm you see people doing and you have never thought to question it. Women I would not encourage nude driving but I would absolutely not discourage you if you were compelled to undertake this. Men I absolutely do encourage it. It is a rush like you will never know until you try it. The next time you are in the restroom, Hell just walk right out of there and see how great it feels to be untethered from a silly stupid rule. We have all gone into the stall at a public restroom and upon entrance realized that a dirt-snake had been left in the bowl for our viewing pleasure. I am not saying you should make this your new policy, but every now and then; maybe you could leave a little something for the next person. Allow them the same displeasure you have gone through. Give a little back to a society who has given you so much. Give them something to talk about when they leave.
“In the handrail of life, be the splinter.”
I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.
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