Infidels, Worry Not. | Asalaam alikum from Tom Nardone

Picture1I was driving home in traffic the other day and was mad as Hell at the level of chaos. I thought it would be nice to live in a world without traffic. I pondered what it would be like if I was the only person on earth.

One day I wake up and all of the people are just gone. I am literally the last man on the earth. What would I do?

I would not write on my blog because there would be nobody to read it and inflate my ego by showering with me with praises and accolades. I would not play my guitar, or be interested in any type of art. I mean what if I turned out to be an amazing painter and there was no one to tell me so. What would be the point of it then?

I already have a house, but I suppose I would go out and move into a nicer house someone else, who worked harder than I did, once owned. I would deal with all the survival crap blah blah blah. My point is to cover the important thing, which is, what would I do for fun? How would I entertain myself because isn’t that the point of living?

If I were to become the solitary man, then I would have to do something to entertain myself. I am reasonably sure, I would do what any immature man with no ambition, hopes, dreams or drive would do. I would pretend the entire world, just became my own personal playground and I would travel around it destroying shit. I would destroy shit on a scale I could never have conceived. because it’s fun

Tom-Nardone-112141Now that I am hell-bent on destroying shit, I would have to dress the part. I am now living in a make believe world I think the only appropriate attire would be the Alqueda-Wear, perhaps something from their Jihad line.

I would probably begin this on day one. I would wake up, get into my car and head to a gas station. I would fill up a five-gallon gas can and visit an upper end subdivision. I would burn one house down right away just to get my creativity primed. Then it’s is time set up the whole subdivision, and rig it so that when one house began to burn it would trigger the next and the next house. I would fire up the grill and throw a steak on and drink a beer at night as I watched this from a safe distance. In my head the houses would burn much the same way dominoes fall.

When arson lost its glimmer, I would goTom-Nardone-11214 out and find a dump truck. I would drive it into the subdivision and map out a route. Once my route was memorized I would crank this beast up and just “go ham” on every house in the neighborhood. I would rip though houses, fences, sheds and not stop until it was all gone, or until my dump truck died. When houses no longer quenched my thist for adventure I would probably take the dump truck into the city and drive through any building with a glass storefront. I can imagine no greater thrill than driving a dump truck through the mall

I don’t know how long the town I live in could sustain my interest. I would eventually have to take a road trip to New York or Chicago, because this is where the really big buildings are. I remember as a kid we used to go into the woods and cut big, giant, tall trees down just to watch them fall. I would just kick this idea up a notch. I cannot imagine the thrill of watching a high-rise building (in which their are no people) fall in a city and just destroy the other buildings as it roars through the air on its way to the ground. Since many of the really big buildings are made from steel, glass an concrete, I don’t think I would have much luck with my gas can, or my dump truck. I suppose going down to the army base and figuring out how to operate a tank would be more practical. I think i would have plenty of time to learn this.

Tom-Nardone-1121411I suppose I would spend the rest of my life on this rampage, maybe traveling city to city, always in search of bigger buildings. I would conquer any structure standing in my way. The mere existence such things would stand in defiance of my reason for being earths only representative.

If I am the only person on earth, then I have the only vote. I make all the decisions, and I decide what is right wrong, acceptable and unacceptable.  I am justified by everyone because I am now the law.

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.

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21 thoughts on “Infidels, Worry Not. | Asalaam alikum from Tom Nardone

  1. bossymoksie

    It’s all about priorities, Tom.
    I would probably just eat and drink, and make believe people were still around so I can boss them around and judge them. I would be in charge, of course.
    I love your current picture banner, btw. I would totally move to that town!

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    1. @iamtomnardone Post author

      HAHA thanks bossy you are the first to comment on it oddly enough. I took a long time as i was learning this new software i got. It just sort of of hit me near the time i was going to delete it. Thanks for noticing and by the way, you would be welcome there.

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  2. Jade Reyner

    Believe it or not.. this is not an alien thought for me. Oh no.. this is something that I have pondered before.. what would I do if I were the last person on earth. Oddly enough, I find that I would be dissatisfied, and I would be praying (which of course will come true because not only am I law, I am also God), that in amongst the wreckage created by your carnage, I would come across a truly handsome, beautiful man. We would of course have the wonderful romantic moment and then I could die happy knowing that I have been loved by a God. What more can a girl ask for?? LOL.

    I have no idea Tom…. the first two sentences are true, the rest is just the mad ramblings of an author.. 😀

    PS. Thank you so much for the link to my blog… that made me really happy. 😀

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  3. Olga

    I would eat. Cakes cookies, pies and coffee. The things I have given up. Who cares, no one around to watch me get fat. I’d find a grand manor estate, collect art and cats. Please can you not nuke my beautiful Oregon.

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  4. Valentine Logar

    I think it must be the difference between the Testosterone and Estrogene Tom. Were I the last living person on earth I would not destroy things, I would create things. I would go find myself a Hummer, then I would find myself a wonderful lake house. Then I would hit every single last artists supply store and load my Hummer up with artist supplies.

    But I guess it is just the difference between boys and girls.

    Your fantasy is quite funny.

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    1. @iamtomnardone Post author

      Val I am glad you thought this was funny and thanks for sharing your own fantasy. I wonder why the sudden urge to do art if there was no one there to see it. I suppose if you enjoy it it would not matter who sees it. Thanks Val.

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  5. Agent 54

    Uh, okay Tom, it maybe time to up the meds a bit if you ask me.

    If it were my world alone I might try out the finest “things” that I could never afford before like a Mercedes Benz and every Cigar in the Tinder Box store (not all at once) I might go to the best restaurants like Taco Bell and Red Lobster and live and eat there until they were empty. I’d visit Walmart and fill my Mercedes up with brand new underwear and never wear the same pair twice.

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      1. ksbeth

        thanks tomnardone. for some unexplained reason, it never occurred to me, that if the whole world was wiped out that i would be a part of that. go figure.

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        1. @iamtomnardone Post author

          How about I name a few if the wreckage sites after you. I will put up a sign and your beautiful name will hover proudly over what was once a proud structure reduced to rubble by me.

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          1. ksbeth

            thank you very much, tomnardone. this a a great honor. i am thinking perhaps a bureaucratic office of some sort, perhaps, social security, and an old taco bell drive through.

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  6. Rob

    I’m actually contemplating driving to a Landscaping Company and ordering a huge truckload of mulch delivered to my driveway…. just to add some disappointment into this scenario.

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  7. Chris Merritt

    Why Thomas, what an interesting read. “GO HAM”?! Hahahaha!!! My secret destruction dream involves going NUCLEAR on North Korea! Anyway, I’d like to request more on traffic and the idiots involved in this privilege! Great read though cuz!!!

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  8. TIA

    Tom, I will be watching the housing additions in your area closely in the coming days. 🙂 By the way, you look real Nas in those combat outfits!!

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