What do these three quotes have in common?
- “Another day another dollar”
- “… time to make the doughnuts”
- “It’s just another day in paradise”
As far as I can see, they all have two things in common; one, they are all tired clichés that I could go the rest of my life without hearing, and two, they are all said by assholes
Here is the problem as I see it. There are people in this country who hold their freedom of expression a little too close. They have nothing to say and they just can’t seem to just say… nothing. There are those who feel that they should be able to talk about anything they want to without the burden of being interesting.
One day when you find yourself getting to work. You will hit the time clock or sit down at your cubicle. Then suddenly, one of these clowns see you for the first time that day. Instead of starting your day with something funny that they read or saw on TV, they decide they are not going to make any effort at all. They just reach into their little bag of bullshit clichés and pull one out for you to come up with a response too.
This shit is not fair. This asshole made no effort, but that does not matter because a conversation, has been started. You are now expected to respond to this foolishness, and if you don’t respond, then society will deem you, the asshole. Society is wrong, and I am Tom Nardone.
**the following does not apply to close, personal, friends.***
Engaging someone in a conversation is a pretty big deal. You are pulling their attention away from whatever they might be doing. For the next few moments of their life, they are your hostage, if only mentally, by whatever it is, you feel, warrants their attention. If you throw something like, “Another day another dollar, right Tom?” You have robbed them of moments that you can never replace.
It might not be clichés. It could just be something that nobody in the world gives a shit about but you. Don’t infect them with things such as how you were victorious this past weekend when you got together and played dungeons and dragons with your asshole friends. Don’t tell them how far you rode on your bike this weekend as you put thousands of driver’s lives at risk by riding your bike on the road for your own personal gain, and don’t tell them about a baseball game or the TV show “Duck Dynasty” They don’t give a shit. That is why we have Facebook.
Know your audience. If your audience is a guy who you know to be into hunting and fishing, then by all means, tell him that you got a twelve-pointed buck this weekend or a twenty-one pound bass. Maybe your audience is someone who likes to go out the local bar or dance club and dance, drink, and talk to strangers all night. You should feel free to explain how you woke up on the roof this morning wearing your mother’s underwear. If I happen to be your audience, you should tell me how much you enjoyed one of the articles you read on my website, or you should just leave me the hell alone. Because if you happen to be one of the people who need to hear this, then it is likely, the only thing I want to hear you talk about is me.
Timing is everything. When I get to work at 6:00am, that means I probably just woke up at 5:30am. I am in a very bad mood because I am not at my house, and it is early. Ask yourself this before speaking to me; “Is my name Jason Bennett?” if it is than say whatever you want because I love Jason Bennett. He is my best friend. If the answer is no, you should find some other asshole to peddle your bullshit to at 6 O’clock in the morning.
This is not some foolish rant, which nobody ever thought of before. We have seen the movie “Office Space” that stupid girl who said, “It sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays”
I don’t know where all these clichés come from, but many of them come from Hollywood, yes the sewer of the United States of America. TV and movies are a huge source. What better place is there for an asshole to find these gems of our vernacular?
- Git’er done
You have to be shitting me. This is a deal-breaker. I don’t care who you are if you say “Git’er done” chances are that we are not friends. I don’t think I want to be friends with a person who has a friend that says “Git’er done”. Larry the Cable Guy, You can go straight to hell.
- “Aul be back” (I’ll be back)
Thank God, you don’t hear this anymore. Arnold Schwarzenegger, before polluting the state of California, polluted the minds of douchebags across the our whole country. He used this line first in the “TheTerminator”, and then several movies after it. Then along came all the wannabe bad-asses saying it as if anyone gave a shit.
- I’m the king of the world
“No you are not. You are a brick of shit”
Hollywood finds themselves hopelessly deadlocked in a slew of bad movie clichés. I have all but completely lost interest in the movies.
I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome
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- A-1 Asshole Advice (johnathanphillips.wordpress.com)
- Bring On The Assholes (alannaholst.wordpress.com)
- What the Hell Are You Ashamed Of? (zenandtheartofbrilliance.wordpress.com)