ass fisterMost of us have jobs. We are expected to go in and work five days a week for eight hours and perform our duties to whatever degree of proficiency that is required by our employer. We have to be on time. For some us, there is an expectation that we be good at what we do.

If you are a brick layer you are expected to lay all the bricks straight, and level, and to use the proper amount of mortar to ensure that what you are building stays built. If you are a teacher then you are expected to present information to your students, and ensure that there is a reasonable level of retention among them.

This is the type of arrangement most of us have with our employers. Failure to achieve these things can result in counseling, reprimands or even termination. That is simply the world we live in.

This may sound harsh to some of my younger readers, believe me I understand. I do however have some good news for you people. I have an alternative if these kinds of standards seem a little demanding, or challenging to you, and if you so choose, you can avoid all of this. I am going to tell you about a career where you can fall ass backwards into piles of cash for simply playing a guessing game, a profession where you are afforded the highest respect, regardless of your knowledge level. It is a career where you have no accountability, and no performance expectations. When people find out what you do they will believe every fucking word you say. If this sounds like what you are looking for than maybe you should be a “Doctor”.

As you read this ask yourself if you have ever been on either end of this conversation.

”Hey, Bob, how did it go at your doctor’s appointment this afternoon?”

“Well they think it is a ….”


“Well they aren’t sure what is wrong with me, so they’re put me on….. “

Most of you know this already, but let me tell you what this actually means. Let’s replay that conversation but we will remove all the bullshit.

”Hey, Bob, how did it go at your doctor’s appointment this afternoon?”

“Well the Doctor said to me Bob I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you”

 Doctors have found what I have to admit, are brilliant new ways to say “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you.” We have all heard this before. They will say “I think you need to see a specialist”. You see, they did not even have to admit that they don’t know what is wrong with you, while at the same time, they are helping out another one of their doctor buddies by sending some business their way. This happens in my experience about fifty percent of the time, but guess what happens 100% of the time. I’m sure you already know. Yes. That is correct. You pay your bill or give them your insurance information. Either way, they get paid. You get a little lighter in your wallet, and they go to the bank having drilled another sick bastard squarely in the ass.

Doctors have also gotten around the whole issue of accountability. I have been to the doctor several times, where they do a bunch of preliminary tests; blood pressure, reflexes, heartbeat, and so on. Then I wait twenty minutes in silence (while the important data is carefully gone over, studied and scrutinized). Then he comes in and determines I have X and he is prescribing Y. I pay the bill and leave. Well that doesn’t work either, or it makes me worse. So what do I do? Yes, you are right again. I go back to the doctor to give him another chance to guess what is wrong with me. (This is called repeat business), because I will be paying for another visit. The other thing is that with you being passed around from doctor to doctor, and going from this med to that med. They have created ambiguity. This means that one doctor can just blame the other one, and neither one of them can be held accountable for anything. It is a thing of beauty.

Put yourself in this scenario and tell me if you think this is how you might behave.

Your car is acting up. So you take it down to your local repair shop and tell them what the symptoms are.  They listen while writing things down on a clip board. They tell you to give them a couple of hours. You leave and come back two hours later. They say “we think it needs new spark plugs, so we put new ones in. That will be $135.00.” You drive the car for a day or two and it still isn’t running right. So you take it back to them to give them another try. They then decide it could be the air filter was clogged so they replace it and charge you another $135.00. Well, that didn’t work so you bring it back again, and they run some more tests and tell you that you need to go to the shop down the road, and of course, charge you another $135.00. Would you raise hell or would you just bend over and take it up the tail pipe. Of course you wouldn’t take that. You would refuse to pay and never go back. Fortunately you auto insurance does not tell you where you can or can’t take your car.

That is not however, an option for you with the respected member of the medical industry. This is a shrewd bunch. They have the money so they have the lawyers. You can’t just refuse to pay your medical bills. Oh no. Whether they earned their money or not you are going to pay. You can be a sick, in pain, broken, coughing, shaking, wobbling, sore, wishing you were dead son of a bitch, but you are still going to pay your doctor bills, or else the government will come in and take away your income tax refund. Why don’t they do this for all of your debtors? Why is it just the doctors? I guess someone has to pay back that Ivy League student loan. It might just as well be you.

What is the solution? Sadly this time I just don’t know. We are screwed. Sometimes we lose and this is one of those times. All I can say is hey, I am in this with you, and dont think that you are the only one that will be bleeding from the asshole.

So kids I hope I have helped those of you underachievers who want all the money and none of the responsibilities that go along with it. There is plenty of room for all of you. Those of you who aspire to perform below the status quo, the medical industry requires following three things.

  1. years college (Pre-Med)    4
  2. years medical School        4
  3. Integrity                             0

My hope is that you will shoot higher than this and work at a gas station.

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.

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16 thoughts on “WE ARE ALL SCREWED!!!!!

  1. Valentine Logar

    I guess I am most fortunate so far. I have an absolutely fabulous Neurologist, he is who I see three times a year and far more often than my GP. He is old school, graduated long before all this BS and lack of entegrity hit the medical practice. He actually spends time with each of his patience, knows them all by name. His office staff is also fabulous.

    My GP is also pretty good, he works in a large practice with mostly other GP’s but associated with a large local hospital and all of the facilities and specialists. I have never had issues with them, they do a great job. I get test results on-line. I can call with questions.

    I have to admit, I am rarely if ever sick. What is wrong with me we know about and it is all due to previous injury. My doctors all know what is wrong, know what the treatment is and work together to keep me whole, as pain free as is possible and as mobile as is possible. Nobody is deluded into thinking I will get better, only that I can maintain at current levels with the right therapies. We are a good team.

    You are right thought Tom, more right than any of us should wish. This is a terrible thing and you are more than Awesome for bringing it forward.


  2. Nadine Steidl

    Hell yes! Especially if you have a “Chronic” disease or something that’s outside the doctor’s field of knowledge(which is damn narrow). Then they will try to convince you that “it’s all in your head” and you need psychiatric intervention. Screw that. Also just try to get pain relief in the US if you’re a chronic pain patient and not terminally ill with cancer. If you don’t live in a medical or consumer marijuana state, you’re pretty much hosed thanks to the DEA being concerned about addiction (plus those brilliant individuals who take muscle relaxers, Valium, pain pills and sleeping pills together).


  3. ksbeth

    I like to think of this as the docs playing ‘the wheel of misfortune’ while we are forced to stand with our hands on our buzzers and hope they spin the right answer occasionally.


    1. Tom Nardone Post author

      Haha. Very good Beth. Wheel of misfortune. I can’t stand doctors. Oh and guess what I have to go do tomorrow. I have to leave the house and go peach picking.

      I excited about doing something with my wife but I just hate going outside. Have fun today Aussie


      1. ksbeth

        Oh you’ll have a ball and I sense a peach blog on the horizon. My only advice, do not eat the pits. Or you will have to go back the doctor after who will no doubt diagnose you with hoof in mouth disease or t.b.


  4. Andi

    I enjoyed being put on a new med that made me feel really, really awful. I’d only used 3 pills out of the blister packs that cost me $30 USD. Sorry, Charley, you can’t return meds once you walk away from the counter… Anyone need some Celexa??? Generic, I think…The pharmacy did offer to destroy them for me. How nice.


    1. Tom Nardone Post author

      I am sorry to hear about that. I think with the price of insurance being what it is I may just. Pay as I go. I don’t even go to the damn doctor.


  5. Redneckprincess

    I love my doctor. I know that no one has said those words ever. Til now. He is hot…he is smart, and he doesn’t guess at what is wrong with me. And I am Canadian, and most of the time our health system is actually not too bad. That’s all I got for that one… 🙂


  6. Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants

    It’s the same in Canada, except we don’t get a bill at the end, so I guess it’s not quite as bad. My doctor doesn’t have the foggiest fucking idea what’s wrong with me ever…. he even looks shit up on the internet while I’m there. Anyone could do that.




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