Monthly Archives: March 2013

America is Debt Free (Or at least as good as)

 

Screw’em all, We are not paying shit!!


People are worried about the national debt. I can understand their fears and I do not wish to make light of them. I would however like to suppress those fears by letting you know that there is nothing to worry about, because we will never have to pay that debt.

Let me first say for the record that I love my country. I am not Anti-American, nor am I a loud flag waving patriot. While there are a lot of things America does wrong, there is one thing that we do better than anyone else. We do this so well, that seeing the feeble attempts of others in this arena, is laughable. This was true over 100 years ago, it is true today, and 100 years from now, it will still be true. America entertains the world. Ask yourself, what is your favorite Japanese band? What is your favorite Russian movie? What is your favorite Bosnian video game? Right! I don’t know either.

While there are  some exceptions, American Movies are loved by the whole world. We have superior actors, superior special effects, and superior quality of sound and picture. Our movies are translated into many different languages on DVD or Blu-Ray discs for the benefit of the world. Billions of dollars a year are paid to see them. People who do not  speak english watch these movies where the dialogue track is replaced with one that is in their own language. That is almost unheard of in this country, because if you have ever watched a dubbed movie, then you know, it sucks. The reason other countries do this is because the only other alternative is to watch a poorly made sub-standard piece of sh#t excuse for a movie.

American Music is a global phenomenon. There are American bands that travel the world playing not only to large arenas, but stadiums, and outdoor venues where people numbering in excess of two hundred thousand show up to hear them play. These are non-English speaking countries. Most of these people cannot understand word of it, yet they show up in droves. I know of no artist that has come to this country and even come close to that level of success singing in a foreign language whether it be live, on the radio, or just record sales.

So, what does this have to do with our debt? Ok. Billions and billions of dollars are spent every year on TV’s, IPods, IPads, Stereos, Blu-Ray Players, computers, hard drives, jump drives, cell phones, and so on. These are the most in demand products on the globe right now, and NONE of them are made in America. That is OK. It makes no difference whether we make them or not. We do something far more important. What we do, is make those products worth owning.

I don’t want a TV, or a Blu-Ray player if all I can watch is a bunch of non-sense! I don’t want a kick-ass stereo system, or an IPod if all I have to listen to is a bunch of shitty music that I don’t like, and I don’t want a computer if I can’t be entertained by the music, TV, and movies made by the people in this country. Without American music and movies I wouldn’t  care about any of that stuff, and guess what, Neither would anyone else.

Even if we fold, we’re gold. We don’t really have to pay that money back. They won’t attack us or kill us or destroy this country; and do you know why? It’s for the same reason they allow us to run around the world enforcing our own morality. They all know that if America goes away, they will be bored for the rest of their lives.

So now you can relax. so you can  go out on your front porch, open a beer, and hoist your flag up just a little bit higher. You can be thankful that you live in the country, who gave you movies like Star Wars, The Princess Bride, The Lord of the Rings, and The Blues Brothers. Strip down to your underwear, and climb on to your roof and scream at the top of your lungs with pride, knowing that you are a citizen of the country who gave voice to bands like The Doors, Aerosmith, Mötley Crüe, Lynyrd Skynyrd, KISS, ZZTop, and Ted Nugent.

If the world is a fun place, it’s because The United States made it that way. I don’t mean to say that there are not other fine contributions by other countries. For the most part America reigns supreme, so don’t forget YOU ARE AN AMERICAN AND LIFE WITHOUT YOU IS NOT WORTH LIVING.

Tom Nardone

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Are you sh#@ting me?

Nobody Does This, and I mean Nobody!!


tom1Yesterday I went into a public restroom. As I was entering, the janitor was leaving, so I had a clean fresh smelling bathroom all to myself. This doesn’t happen too often. It was as if all the previous days filth had been eliminated just for my own personal comfort. It was looking like the beginning of a wonderful day.

I entered the stall furthest from the door. I smiled to myself as I placed a paper-ass-gasket on the seat. I sat down, and prepared for what I knew would be a very enjoyable experience. But then it happened. My bowel bliss came to halt when someone else entered the bathroom. I hoped his stay would be only a brief moment standing in front of the urinal. I thought, surely this man was not going to undermine, what has so far been, a perfect moment in my life. I could not have been more wrong.

I was in stall number four(See figure A), and this asshole came in, and chose to sit in stall number not one, not two, but stall number three. Yes he decided that we would be neighbors. Who does that? If I walk into any room and I have a choice to sit next to a man shitting or not to sit next to a man shitting, I will always choose the latter. Everybody would, but not this man. He sat down and began what I can only describe as a “Growler”. The smell was like a punch in the face. I thought he had eaten a dead person it was so bad. He of course made all the awful sounds….you get the picture. Then his cell phone rang, and of course, he took the call.

“Hello”

“No not yet, I just sat down to take a dump”

“OK, OK, OK”

“I love you too honey, bye bye”

Nice dude. There is not a more attractive thing to a woman than to explain to her what you’re doing in the bathroom. Why didn’t you take the time to give her a live play-by-play commentary?

stalls

Here are the rules for public restrooms, in case you are one of these clowns. This applies to urinals as well. If you need further training please click here to be directed to “Urinal Test” at drinknation.com. (Refer to figure A).

  • If the bathroom is empty, you always choose one 1 or 4, that way if someone comes in they will be able to choose a stall that puts two spaces between you, and it ensures that worse case if the bathroom fills up you are only sitting by one person.
  •  If 1 and 3 are taken you choose 4 that means you can sit by only one person rather than between two people.
  • If 1 and 4 are taken it’s a crap shoot.

ATTENTION FOLLOWERS OF TOM NARDONE

tom-nardone-horseI Have migrated my site over to the WordPress.org platform. Everything is still the same except all of my followers (that is you) were lost in the move. This is normal when making this transition. I will be transferring followers to my new site on the same URL. I hope all of the assholes who followed me in hopes of receiving a follow-back, will stay lost. All of you can burn in Hell as far as I am concerned. 

As for those of you who read me, You must certainly know that I love you, and I apologize for the inconvenience. Those of you who use email, rather than, or in addition to, the WordPress reader, will need enter you email at the top of my page at tomnardone.net, and then click the button that says “Be Awesome” This change was necessary for me to do the things I want to do this year. 

tomnardone.net is among the many things I have done in my life, for which I am very proud. You people are the only reason I bother with it. I am really excited to know all of you, the non-asshole people, of a great community of bloggers.

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome

thankyou